Why I Quit My Montessori Homeschool Journey

To start, let me make clear that I wish I could have continued my homeschooling journey with my daughter. 

I still think home education is one of the best ways to personalise learning for the child and allow them to follow their needs and interests in ways that mainstream schooling can never truly do.

My move away from home education was circumstantial and a decision that was made with my specific family in mind and with a lot of thought and consideration.

In a nutshell, I secured a new job and couldn’t continue to commit to both working full time and homeschooling (and being a wife, and a mum, and a chef, and a cleaner, and so on and so on…)

It was just too much.

However, I learned so much from the process of home educating while working full time.

Below are a few lessons I’ve collated together to perhaps help you figure out the right decision for your family, particularly if you’re in a similar situation to me. 

Though, please remember that every family will have their own unique circumstances and needs and what didn’t work for me, may well work for you!

Some background: why did I start home educating my child?

I had always done educational activities with my daughter since she was a baby, so I saw home education as simply an extension of that. I’ve always been her first teacher.

And the more I looked into what it meant to homeschool properly, the more the idea really appealed to me.

I loved the idea of having freedom of choice and flexibility: in the UK, there is no requirement to follow the national curriculum so that meant I could truly follow my child’s needs.

I wanted to feel actively involved in my child’s learning and education and with that, see her grow.

I adored the idea that I could expose my daughter to Islamic values and educate her about Islam in a way that felt safe and secure to our beliefs.

Of course, I wanted to have that time to bond and connect with my child and practise the positive/gentle parenting ideas I’ve come to embrace. I felt school focused more on punitive measures and I didn’t want my daughter to feel subjected to that, especially at such a young age.

I truly believed home educating would enable me to nurture a love and curiosity for learning that I thought school couldn’t do.

So, what happened?

When I got really hooked with the idea of homeschooling, I was on maternity leave. So I was essentially a stay-at-home mum at that time.

This lulled me into a false sense of security. I had so much time to spend with the kids!

I became a willing victim to the seductive illusion that I’d be able to continue homeschooling when I eventually returned to work.

I told myself that I had totally flexible hours, I could work from home, I just needed to establish a good routine!

And it went really well for a while – here’s how I made it work.

But I didn’t address one of my terrible weaknesses: I really struggle with consistency.

Which leads me to lesson learned number one.

Lesson #1. I definitely could NOT have it all, but what I did have was BURNOUT.

As alluded to earlier, I had to wear a hell of a lot of hats on a daily basis: mother to a preschooler and young baby, wife, and manager of home-related affairs! (I’m not even including my duties and responsibilities outside my immediate family circle.)

Add ‘full-time worker’ to all that and it really was a nasty, sweaty recipe for burnout.

Being organised and consistent with systems doesn’t come very naturally to me and I quickly realised that having those qualities is what would help me be successful.

I had high (unrealistic) aspirations that I could meal plan, meal prep, set cleaning schedules, plan homeschool in the evenings, wake up early and get started on my job early. 

And I somehow made it work for 6 full months.

But it was not a fun 6 months. 

The pressures of trying to have it all were grinding me down and I struggled hard with perfectionism.

Seeing other mums do it on Instagram and YouTube gave me unrealistic expectations that I could manage it – if they could do it, why can’t I?

I gave no thought to my own unique situation and circumstances. 

But eventually, I had to face the facts.

And here was the next lesson.

Lesson #2. I was not in a secure financial position to allow me to take on Montessori homeschooling.

All the advice out there about starting homeschool pumps out the same tempting mantra that educating your children at home is free and it doesn’t have to cost anything to homeschool.

Well, that’s true to an extent.

You can homeschool purely with nature, with trips to free museums and do maths and science experiments with things from around your home.

But what you do need is TIME. And time is a luxury for the financially free.

My family is not financially free. We need two full-time salaries to keep up with our bills and expenses. Ergo, we don’t have much spare time.

If I did not have to work, I could devote the time that homeschooling requires – for planning, for teaching, for trips and whatever else my children needed.

I might also have had the time for all the other necessary duties, like cooking and maintaining a comfortable home.

It was easy to look for articles and blog posts online from other mums who were working and homeschooling, and to feel like my intention to home educate was possible.

In fact, I was simply looking for validation that it could work and I did not truly interrogate whether it was possible for MY specific family.

How foolhardy.

Lesson #3. Montessori homeschooling requires SPACE and STORAGE.

Another thing I had to come to terms with is that I live in a small flat and have very little space and storage space.

I was keen to incorporate Montessori principles into my homeschool. Part of this was providing hands-on, concrete materials for my preschooler (from ages 0-6, children learn primarily through the 5 senses so concrete materials are vital to that). 

I ended up with too many trays and baskets, wooden materials and just loads of resources.

All these things needed a space to live and a system of organisation to help me rotate out materials as and when needed.

But, like I mentioned earlier, organisation doesn’t come naturally to me so I just ended up with a terribly messy flat.

I hate clutter and it really affects me to live with mess so this was an unexpected and unwanted surprise in my homeschooling journey.

Lesson #4. Reality is the antidote to lofty aspirations.

This is a bit of a cynical lesson, I know.

But I learned the hard way how my lofty aspirations for homeschool could not be achieved by dreams and intentions alone.

I was determined that I would take my daughter out on fun trips, go to museums and play dates with other homeschool mums.

I was going to build up her cultural capital, build memories of amazing experiences, plenty of opportunities for play and time outdoors in nature.

In reality, we spent most of our time in her room doing academic lessons (like learning to read and doing maths) because I wasn’t prepared enough the night before to plan for trips out.

Or the British weather came through like it usually does with its rain and wind and cold, which would dampen my plans and my mood.

Hardly the incredible education I set out to provide.

I did, however, try very hard to ensure my daughter had a nice group of homeschool friends because socialising with other kids her age was something I was not going to compromise.

So it wasn’t all bad! I networked hard and we ended up finding lots of other homeschool friends, including some lovely Muslim families.

But sadly, this wasn’t enough to keep us going.

Lesson #5. Homeschooling = dead romance.

Man. What an unintended consequence and a hard truth to swallow.

Spending day and night with the kids, working, trying to do it all meant something had to suffer.

And it was my romantic relationship with my husband that took the biggest hit.

By the time evening rolled around, I was too tired to even hold a decent conversation, let alone anything romantic in nature.

Everything else became the priority. Everything else felt more urgent. The cooking. The homeschool planning. Even this blog!

Sadly, we became more and more distant and it has taken a lot of work to get us back on track. Praise to God that we are doing so much better now but it took much time and effort. Perhaps that’s a post for another day!

How we are doing now

So, as outlined above, I learned many harsh lessons about why my particular home education experience didn’t work out, but I remain hopeful that one day we can try again.

In the meantime, my 5-year-old daughter is loving life in her primary school, I am settling in nicely in my new job and my relationship with my husband is securely on the mend.

Alhamdulilah (all praise to God) for the experiences and lessons, for helping me learn and grow.

I pray that this very honest review of my homeschooling experiences provides some insight for you into the realities that other homeschooling advocates like to gloss over, and I pray you find the route that is best for you – whether that is homeschooling or not.

Salaam x